Unreal Holiday Expectations

Expectations. This holiday season I found myself being full of seasonal expectations.  I expected that I would enjoy shopping for just the perfect gifts, decorating, making holiday treats, and just being surrounded by my lovely family and friends (which I did, for the most part).  With all of these blessings in my life, I still found myself in tears on Christmas day, again...and for the most painful reason.  My expectations.   This seems to happen quite often.... and typically involves our sweet Bella's inability to thrive during holiday festivities.  Just typing "inability to thrive" makes me sad in my heart because the point of Christmas is not to thrive in the hustle and bustle, but it's truly a celebration of the birth of hope in life, Jesus Christ.  Bella has it figured out and she is teaching me every year to just stop.  Just stop forcing my festive expectations upon her sensory filled mind.  Of course it is my goal to always include our girl in everything we do but sometimes, it's simply too hard for her.  It's too hard to go to a "candle-light service" when her favorite thing to do in life is "blow out candles" and "play the drums on stage".... yes, my expectations were crushed as we had to remove her to the baby cry-room.   It's always too hard to be surrounded by Christmas gifts for the entire extended family when she simply wants to rip open any and every gift she can get her hands on --- especially those that don't belong to her (I love my sweet and patient family in these times...they are so good to Bella and let her open many of their gifts).  My expectations were crushed as she tantrumed and fought me to the point I had to pin her down to get her calm :(.... on Christmas Day.... I hated it.  I hate my expectations. I praise God in these times for the overwhelming peace he gives me when I just want to cry or yell.  I look into her eyes and try to feel her pain and lack of understanding.  I stroke her sweet face and wipe her tears as I am careful not to get kicked or slapped. I woke up last night however and God put a song in my heart.  He reminded me (and of course used his number one missionary to my heart -- Bella -- that there is something that IS worthy of my expectations, His long expected son, Jesus Christ, the true and worthy reason for this season).  I sang this to myself and was amazed at how my heart was full of joy with words written in the early 1700's. I publicly praise God today that God gave me Bella.  She simply reminds me to look to Him in all situations, every day of the year, especially as we celebrate the most important day....Christ's birth. 
Charles Wesley

Come, thou long expected Jesus, born to set thy people free; from our fears and sins release us, let us find our rest in thee. Israel's strength and consolation, hope of all the earth thou art; dear desire of every nation, joy of every longing heart.