When Disability Crushes You

"Hallowed Be Your Name"

I pondered The Lord's Prayer today. I was literally captivated by the depth behind each sentence displayed before me in God's word.  I mean, this prayer is God breathed, and I realized that I have never truly allowed it to pierce my heart the way it should.  Not only did Christ share the prayer as a formula in which we can speak with Him, but He also outlined the way our hearts and souls should seek out fulfillment and joy in Him.  Here is the prayer...

Matthew 6:9-13New International Version (NIV)

9 “This, then, is how you should pray:

“‘Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
10 your kingdom come,
your will be done,
    on earth as it is in heaven.
11 Give us today our daily bread.
12 And forgive us our debts,
    as we also have forgiven our debtors.
13 And lead us not into temptation,[a]
    but deliver us from the evil one.[b]’

As I read the prayer, God kept pointing me to the word "hallowed".  I asked myself, "How do I hallow God's name?" and began studying this command.  If you go through the Bible, you find that God goes by many names.  To hallow His name is to magnify the many amazing aspects of His nature and declare them as holy.  That the chief end of all we do everyday as Christians should point back to God and give him the glory He is due.  It hit me, as I struggled through a day full of emotional and physically intense autism tantrums, that I was unable to hallow His name in the face of autism at times.  Then God spoke to me.

He whispered in my ear, Annie.... stop.... listen....I am....

El Shaddai - The Lord God Almighty (I made heaven and earth and all that inhabit it....Bella's autism is not unknown to me and I have a plan for her).

Jehovah Rapha - The Lord That Heals (I can heal sick hearts and souls, I can allow sickness to teach you to be close to me, I can heal autism....but I probably won't and it will make your relationship with me more rich and Bella's life one that leads others to myself, her creator God).

Jehovah Shammah - The Lord is There (I am there when you are alone and hopeless, I capture every tear you shed in my name on behalf of your children....they are not wasted).

Jehovah Shalom - The Lord is Peace (When the day is impossible and there is nothing left to give, I am your peace....I am also Bella's peace even amidst tantrum...I know her).

It's as if God knew we as humans would inevitably seek hope and joy in literally anything and everything BUT Him.  Are we to find fulfillment in easy days and perfect jobs? No.  In perfect kids and a perfect spouse? No. In our health? No. Why? Because all of these things are imperfect, they fail us everyday in some way.  So what are we left with when disaster strikes, autism breaks us, our spouses fail us, our kids get sick, or death creeps through our doorstep?  God....and his many, glorious names.  When God allowed me to be Bella's mom, he gave me the best gift.  He took a heart that was selfish and prideful and crushed it.....then slowly rebuilt it piece by piece into something inclined to Him.  I am thankful and today I hallow his name in the face of disability:)